When you are a guest and your vegetarianism is unknown to the host, how do you broach the subject?

Question

Many years ago, I was watching John Denver on David Letterman describe his experiences traveling through Russia. There, vegetarianism is unheard of, and he was routinely offered meat. He decided to put graciousness ahead of his dietary principles, and accepted the food as offered without objection.

This is similar to a philosophy I've read in a book on Buddhism I stole from a hotel in Chinatown (where there are no Bibles in the rooms, by the way.)

I haven't yet brought myself to follow in suit, but I am beginning to consider it.

Would YOU act as John Denver, or would you tell the host "my body isn't a graveyard for my friends - do you have any salad?"

Answer 1

I would not preach, or make the snotty graveyard comment, but no, I would not eat it.



I have been offered psychedelic mushrooms, LSD, cocaine and various homemade "liquors" by hosts in other countries, and I never felt obligated to accept those out of some misguided idea of "graciousness." Nor would I feel obligated to eat meat.



I politely accept what I can eat, and politely refuse what I cannot. If it is not possible for me to let my hosts know, or provide a vegetarian dish, it is ridiculously simple to enjoy the company and skip one meal.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

I usually try to avoid the situation by making sure that my hosts know ahead of time that I'm a vegetarian. If that's not possible, I put graciousness ahead. When someone is demonstrating that they care about me and want to be a good host by serving me something that they are proud of, I believe in appreciating the gesture and showing that I appreciate it by accepting what is served. Yes, I would even try bugs if they were served to me.



If you decide to decline the food, it is utterly unacceptable to do so by saying "my body isn't a graveyard." That would be taken as offensive by nearly everyone out there. Not only are you rejecting their attempt at hospitality, you are saying that they are wrong/bad for having made it in the first place. Very bad form.



Seriously, though. Avoid the situation. Tell people you're vegetarian.

Answer 4

First of all, vegetarianism is prevalent in Russia. The majority of the traditional dishes are free of animal ingredients (although they do not call them "vegetarian" dishes"). All of the Russian restaurants I've ever seen all have both vegetarian and meat dishes.



That said, no, I would not do as Denver did. I would just make it plain and clear. If I was to offer someone a glass of cow milk, but they being from Asia, for example, where they do not consume dairy (because humans are mammals), would decline and ask for something else, I'd just get something else for them. Being a good host is all about giving your guest whatever they want and not being offended by their differences etc. And always asking the guest first instead of giving without asking or forcing them to take or try something after they've declined.

Answer 5

What I do is let them know as soon as I can that I can't eat meat, and explain that I don't eat fish, or chicken broth, or anything. If that is not possible, I bring my own food, like a couple of granola bars or something. You can stash them in your car for emergencies too. At a party or barbeque, bring a salad or veggie burgers or something and they won't worry about you.



If all precautions fail, I will try to apologize and ensure them that I think their cooking is fine but it's not possible for me to eat it. Or I will say I already ate (little white lie). I don't like to explain my reasons being veggie but if I have to I will do so as tactfully as possible, without being disgusted or elitist. The graveyard comment might make things a little awkward.



If a person has moral reasons for being vegetarian/vegan whether they decide to eat it is entirely their choice. The animal is already dead anyway and it's too late to save it lol. Is politeness worth it? Maybe, but try not to be in that situation if you can help it.

Answer 6

Personally, I don't care who I offend by turning down food. I'm vegan, period. And as far as I'm concerned, an animal's right not to be imprisoned, tortured, mutilated, and murdered outweighs niceties like "proper manners."



Furthermore, if I were hosting a friend for dinner who had unique dietary needs, I'd be more upset about not meeting her needs and making her uncomfortable at dinner than I would be by making a few minor modifications to my menu planning.



And it's not like you need to get all AR on people ("my body isn't a graveyard for my friends" is much more graphic an explanation than necessary, don't you think?). Just say "I'm not sure whether you're aware, but I'm vegan - I don't eat meat, eggs, or dairy in any form. If this makes your dinner planning difficult, I'm more than happy to bring vegan food to share." It's not rudeness - it's honesty and courtesy.



There's no rational reson to compromise your ethics simply because you're a guest in a person's home. If your host enjoyed bestiality and racist humor before dessert, would you partake in those activities as well just so you don't appear rude? (I hope not.)

Answer 7

Well in that case, I think it makes sense. If you're in a remote area where food is scarce to begin with, you can't deny the food offered you without seeming to say that the food you are offered isn't good enough for you. You have to take it because it is necessary for your survival, and it is kind of the people to offer it to you.



But in general if I just go over to someone's house for dinner, I tell them I am a vegetarian beforehand. I don't expect the meal to be tailored to me, but usually there is something that I can eat. If they had forgotten, I would mention it and try to find something on the table that I could eat.

Answer 8

Personally I HATE when a hostess makes a special dish for me because I usually don't like it. Of course since she's made it meat-free I eat it but I would NEVER eat meat. I wouldn't respond with the rude comment you've listed but just decline the meat dish politely.

Answer 9

When I visited a family in Japan I was not vegetarian yet. But I didn't eat seafood (tantamount to blasphemy in Japan), and I told them. They understood and they made me feel welcomed. I don't know if they accomodated me or if they had a good mix of seafood and non-seafoods to choose from all the time.



Anyway, I think that my own personal beliefs are more important than pleasing some Russian I don't even know. I would have not eaten the meat. I don't mind eating potatoes, pickles, and vodka for dinner.

Answer 10

You should let them know before hand if possible and it is not rude to tell people you don't eat meat. If shopping is something you do while with company maybe you could plan a menu ahead of time and shop for what you need while there.

Answer 11

I think glambassist has the right attitude...if you are guests of a poorer family...they wont have much to spare and it would be a huge disrespect to refuse anything that you COULD eat but choose not to as they have spared what little they could to give you a meal



But in general its best to bring the subject up in general and ease into it...rather than just blurting out.."im vegetarian" cause all they will do is look at you and go "ooookkk...and???" you need to build it into a little light convo then mention you are one annd the sorts of things you eat well before the dinner has been prepared...this way the host can find somthing vegetarian and thinks...youl be surprised that they listened and fixed you somthing



personally i like to think of it in the same way you hint presents...a girl wont walk up to a guy and say she wants this perfume...shell bring it up in conversation...that way she gets what she wants without directly asking for it..and the guy gets to think that she thinks hes brilliant for listening...that way both are happy

Answer 12

I wouldn't be rude about it, but I would politely say that I do not eat meat.



Unless it was apparent that the host did not have anything besides meat, in which case I would just say no thanks, I'm not hungry, or maybe I'd take a little on my plate and then nibble on it but not eat it.

Answer 13

call me selfish, but no. I don't want to disrespect my host, but I also don't want my host to disrespect me.



Then again, I'm veg for personal and religious reasons, so I'm not like the rest of those on this forum. I'd say what I say here, "I appreciate the gesture, but no thank you, please enjoy my share." I wouldn't expect extra accommodation, and I'll go without a meal.

Answer 14

It depends on where you are. If you are in a region that is poorer, take what they offer as an act of kindness. Just take smaller servings.

Answer 15

Yes, it is a good gesture to taste what your host has offered. We should try to appreciate what our host and not offend them.

Answer 16

wellmy cuzin is a vegitarian and she will flat out say im so sorry but i am a vegitarin but she cant say no when its at church or at my great great aunts but it realy does depend ask yourself too. i quess i would eat the meat because then no one will have crushed feelings

Answer 17

If you plan on being a rude guest, please don't bother being a guest.